Ronda Hamilton was in horrible pain as she sat in the office of the clerk of the court, filling for an injunction for protection against repeated domestic violence. She felt deeply humiliated to have to sit there with her younger sister, Amber, making a statement about the events leading up to her being in a wheelchair, with two broken legs and several cracked ribs. David, her former boyfriend and Father of her daughter, Jesse Lynn Johnson, had pushed her down the flight of stairs that led to their apartment. All because she’d forgotten to get him cigarettes at the store.

He had been abusing her for the entire three months of their daughters life. Ronda hadn’t expected David to become so mean like this, because he’d been the model boyfriend, until they’d gotten an apartment together just over a year ago after learning of Ronda’s pregnancy. He had been excited about Fatherhood, until the last months of her pregnancy, when he’d started accusing her of being unfaithful. She had been mortified by his accusations and had vehemently denied any infidelity each and every time he flung his suspicions in her face.

It hurt so much to think he had any doubts that Jesse was his child. As she sat in the rented wheelchair, only days after having surgery to place rods in both her femurs, she had no choice but facing the ugliness of the past year. The form was quite lengthy, but offered her needed protection from further attacks from Jesse’s father. It asked all kinds of hard to answer questions regarding the abuse that had gone on and she found herself crying in frustration. Recounting his threats that he would kill her if he learned Jesse was another man’s child made her shiver, remembering his cold confidence that he would carry out the threat.

Her sister Amber leaned over to her saying, "Are you okay Ronda?"

She nodded, but felt as far from okay as she’d ever been in her entire twenty-three years of life. She pulled a tissue from the baby bag and looked down at her lovely daughter, feeling in her heart that she was doing the right thing. David had left right after pushing her and because he drove trucks for a living, there was no way to know when he would be back in town. Neighbors had called for an ambulance and Ronda knew she would not be able to return to their apartment, even to get her belongings. It couldn’t be helped as the wheelchair she was in now would be necessary for at least three months until she got the all clear from her orthopedic surgeon, allowing her to stand again.

Even after she was able to stand, she knew she would have to have therapy to regain her lost strength. This was no way for a new Mother to live her life and she was very angry with David, but mostly herself for taking his abuse. She closed her eyes, remembering how they’d met at a club where she’d worked as an exotic dancer. He’d asked her out a few times, telling her he would love to take care of her and how he didn’t like what she did for a living. She’d laughed about it at the time, but looking back now, it seemed rather strange that if he didn’t like that type of entertainment, that he’d even have been at the club in the first place.

She had enjoyed performing for most of the men, but had never gone out with any of them until David, because the club had rules prohibiting their dancers from seeing patrons. David was an attractive man, with sandy blond hair and very expressive green eyes, that could appear heartless at the drop of a pin or demand immediate passion, igniting her soul. He was about 6’ 2" and very well muscled, because his job demanded a lot of lifting to load and unload cargo. She had been extremely attracted to him and even now she hated to admit that she felt remnants of fascination clinging to her like the stench of his sweat, hours after their passionate episodes of lust.

She flashed to the cold look his eyes possessed the moment he’d maliciously shoved her and how her last moments of consciousness had been with the horrific knowledge that David had intended for her to be seriously hurt over nothing. Jesse had thankfully been at the top of the stairs, unscathed and safe from her father’s rage. The neighbor had seen the baby immediately and had picked up the screaming little girl to comfort her. It pained Ronda no end that her daughter had been in the room whenever he’d hit her, but the idea that he would want to hurt her badly enough she would need hospitalization had never actually entered her mind two weeks ago before this deliberate instance, where his eyes betrayed a killer instinct and almost insane rage.

The tears were hard to cry because her eyes hurt so badly from crying so much already that having more tears fall was as painful as the reason behind the tears. Her hand quivered holding the pen as she described all the previous incidents that David had vented his outrage upon her physically. Realizing now for the first time that he’d probably been flirting with the idea of killing her for some time. Amber gently reached over to Ronda’s slumped shoulder whispering, "It’s all right Ronda, I’m here and he can’t hurt you anymore. The police are already looking for him to arrest him for what he did to you and somehow David will be caught and pay for what he’s done."

"I know," she replied meekly, shifting her weight in the chair as if the movement would give her some relief from the pain she felt throughout her body. "But it’s just so hard to look at it all Amber."

"I know, but you know you have to so that they will know the full extent of criminal behavior. No on has the right to hurt you like you’ve been hurt. He’s raped you, he’s beat you and now he’s tried to kill you. My God Ronda, you’re lucky you didn’t break your neck!" Amber’s face was flushed in defensive anger over the injustice done to her sister. Ronda nodded and sighed heavily, silently thanking God for looking out for her. She’d broken both her legs in about fourteen places, fractured two ribs and of course a broken spirit to top the list of her suffering.

She looked down at the hefty form, requiring her to account for the reasons she now feared for her life and that of her young daughter, because if he killed her, what would stop him from hurting Jesse? Choking back a sob of grief, over the thought of how close he’d come to killing her, she made herself fill in the blanks for the state’s sake. Arming them with necessary information with which David would be brought to justice. Even though the injunction promised his arrest if he was to come near her, it was little comfort for her shattered spirit.

Although her body ached horribly and it took her all of forty-five minutes to complete, Ronda Hamilton left that office with a temporary injunction signed by the Judge the clerk of the court took it to, to have a decision made on right then and there. She held the baby carrier, baby bag and both her and Amber’s purses, while Amber pushed her in the heavy wheelchair. She knew she was going back to the doctor in a few days to have herself looked at, but he’d agreed to release her because her daughter needed her so badly and recognized that Ronda really needed to be with her little girl.

It was unbelievably painful to sit in the car and she was totally unable to help her sister put the bulky chair into the trunk of the big Lincoln Amber had bought used two years ago. She grimaced every time the car went over a bump as it jarred her bones, but told herself that they would be home soon enough and she would spend her second night free from the constant care of the hospital. She cried a bit on the way to the house she’d grown up in, where they lived with their mother and she looked over her shoulder at Jesse, who was sleeping peacefully in her car seat in the back seat of the car. It was strange being in her old room with her little daughter in a bassinet they’d picked up at a consignment shop as quickly as they could.

Between her mother and Amber, things were under control. They had taken Jesse the night Ronda had been admitted to Tampa General. She was easy enough to take care at this point, being three months old she pretty much just ate, giggled and slept most of the time. Ronda smiled thinking of how precious Jesse’s smile was and was as contagious as the common cold, moving all who saw it to grin along with her. David hadn’t been very affectionate with the little girl and it had always bothered Ronda how he would wave her off whenever she asked him to look at something Jesse was doing or reacting to.

When he would take the time to notice her, he was not very positive in his appraisal of everything from her looks to her attitude. He would say things like, "She looks like a gremlin with that ugly face of hers. I sure hope she gets some hair soon," and "Fucking A Ronda, can’t you see that I am busy watching TV? Yeah, yeah, she is shaking the rattle. Not worth interrupting me over is it?" Ronda had thought it was, but never said so and had quickly stopped trying to get David to be more involved after seeing his extreme disinterest manifest with such frightening intensity.

As Amber pulled the car up behind their mother’s small Toyota, Ronda was grateful she had her family to help her through her recovery. She didn’t know what she would be able to do to prevent David from coming over to get at her, Jesse, her mom and Amber. Holding back tears, she waited patiently for Amber to unload the burdenous wheelchair for her. Their mother came out just then asking, "Did you get it taken care of Ronda? You’ve been gone a long time. Boy you look tired."

Ronda nodded, agreeing with her mother, that they had been gone along time and also that she was indeed very tired. Her mother took Jesse out of her car seat and put her into her stroller. The little girl was still sleeping and didn’t even notice she’d been moved. Amber finally had the chair ready for her and Ronda used a sliding board to make the transfer from the car’s seat to the seat of the chair. It hurt really badly as her recently operated on legs felt next to useless and by the time she was back inside the house, she was ready to take a pain pill.

Her mother came over and hugged her gently, whispering, "It’ll be okay now honey. The police will catch him soon enough. I’m here for you dear."

"Thank you Mom. Thank you so much for watching over Jesse for the last two weeks. I don’t know what we would have done if you hadn’t been able to jump to our rescue like you did," and Ronda made herself be strong.

"That’s what family is for Ronda. I will always be here when you need me, just like I know I could count on you and Amber if I needed your help. Let me go get one of your pills and maybe you could see if you could sleep," she saw that her mother was still very angry, underneath her concern for Ronda’s well being.

When her mother came back to her, holding a white pill and a glass of water, Ronda took it gladly, eager for the pain to go away. She looked up her mother, noticing the lines in her face were deepening as she was frowning. Ronda figured it was because she had to be thinking about the attack and fought off tears of guilt. Amber offered to push her into her room and help her into bed. Because Ronda was completely exhausted, she took her up on the offer. The time would come when she no longer needed anyone’s help to get around or the many other things she wasn’t able to do in her current physical state.

She was in bed a few minutes later, feeling like she could sleep for a week straight. Amber smiled and closed the blinds, saying, "I’ll come see how you’re doing later. Maybe you’ll feel like having a little dinner later Sis. I love you, rest well."

Then Ronda was all alone in her old room that still had all of her posters from when she’d been in high school. They didn’t comfort at all and sadly she was unable to stop herself from crying. There was a box of tissues on her nightstand and Ronda leaned over to take some from it. Her mind supplied her with images of David and how demonic he’d looked the times he’d hit her. She couldn’t understand how he could hit her when she was pregnant and had secretly gone to her mother’s house to have them take pictures of her bruised face and arms.

Her mother had been so angry then, but Ronda told her, "I love him Mom, but if he doesn’t stop acting like this I will leave. Don’t worry, it’ll be all right. I’m sure he feels badly for doing it, but just in case I need photographs to prove what he’s done to me, I’m glad you had film." He hadn’t known about the series of pictures that documented his physical assaults. Ronda figured it would all come out when it went to trial and he would more then likely be sent to jail for what he’d done. She felt guilty over having not called the police on him before getting so badly hurt, because her mother had been right.

She was lucky he hadn’t killed her and as she sat remembering how terrible it felt to look at her horribly bruised face, in the seventh month of her pregnancy, Ronda crumpled up into her bed, feeling worse then she’d ever felt in her life. It was awful having someone you loved and trusted, beat on you over stupid things that shouldn’t have meant anything. He got angry over the stupidest things. Like the time she’d been held up at the bank while withdrawing cash because she’d been behind a man who was getting a large sum of money in cash that required being counted twice to ensure he got all he was supposed to.

David had been absolutely vile to her when she’d come back without getting the fast food he’d wanted her to get. She’d been so angry about the man in line ahead of her that it slipped her mind and she’d just gone to the grocery store. When she walked in holding only grocery bags, his face had changed into that demonic grimace he would get whenever he planned on hurting her. As soon as she saw his reaction she remembered forgetting the burgers, but before she could turn around to go, he roughly grabbed her arm and slapped her face viciously repeatedly, yelling at her, telling her how stupid she was, calling her all sorts of ugly names she wished she could forget.

His large high school ring had cut her face near her eye in two separate places and she remembered how badly she used to flinch whenever David startled her, after the abuse had escalated from verbal to physical with him hitting her with his open hand the night she’d taken too long at the store and he’d accused her of sneaking around on him to go sleep with some other guy. He’d knocked her off her feet he’d hit her so hard, telling her that if he ever caught her out sleeping around on him that he’d kill her. She was beside herself after that first time.

She’d tried to tell herself he was just stressed out over becoming a Father, but as her due date came closer, without David showing her any consideration and actually expecting her to do everything she’d done before becoming so large that things were next to impossible for her to do, she’d known she was in a dangerous situation. He never lifted a finger around the house when he was home and she had always been bothered by the way he acted like being pregnant was no big deal. When she’d gone into labor, he had been on the road and hadn’t returned until a week after she was released from the hospital.

He’d ruthlessly pushed her for sex only two weeks after Jesse was born. Ronda had really hurt and hadn’t been interested in having sex in the slightest. It was easier then having a confrontation and being accused of having cheated on him, so she’d given in after telling him no several times. She had been really hurt by his attitude over how he thought she should act as a mother too. He would say things like, "You’re a bad Mother. Look at how you can’t even shut that kid up," or "God dammit Ronda, shut that brat up! What kind of Mother are you to let her scream like that?"

The pediatrician had used the term colic and had given Ronda gas drops to help ease Jesse’s discomfort, but since David never went to any appointments with them, he had no idea that there was a reason behind her hours of crying, where there was nothing that could be done to console her but time and gently rubbing her little abdomen. Ronda did all the right things, but David still chose to be obnoxious and act like she owed him something because he held a job. The money he made was about the same as she’d made dancing, but she never told him that in fear of his reaction to such a revelation.

It was a ghastly feeling to live in such fear and even now, lying in her old bed, wearing her favorite cotton nightgown, with tears streaming down her face, she knew she would still feel afraid for a long time to come. He had made her feel so wonderful in the beginning. Like she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever met and professed his undying love for her. He hadn’t changed until after they got the apartment. It had been rather shocking when she’d moved out of the place she’d held on her own and into a one bedroom place with David. He hadn’t let her bring any of her furniture, saying he wanted his own and there wasn’t room for all of it.

She had given in and had stored most of her possessions that she knew she would soon retrieve when she was able to return to working again and get her own place. She wasn’t even able to contemplate dancing again, although it had been the most money she’d ever made before and it would be the easiest way to support Jesse without having to rely on the state or God forbid David’s financial assistance. He had begrudgingly bought things for Jesse, but had said that she should use fewer diapers on her one minute and the next he’d complain that she was a bad Mother for not changing her enough. It had most definitely been beyond frustrating for her to deal with day in and day out.

The tears had subsided as her pill started relieving her bodily aches and she blew her nose a final time before again thanking God for her family. She knew her mother hadn’t been especially happy to see her go back to David, time after time, after time, but she was still there when Ronda needed her and for that she was very relieved. She snuggled under her old comforter and for the first time in what seemed like a year, she smiled. Things would get better, because there wasn’t much lower she could go. No matter what, she knew she would recover and resume taking care of Jesse without having to have so much help from Amber and their mother, so she let herself drift off peacefully into a deep sleep.

My God Mom, I can’t believe all of this. How could she stay with such a monster?" Amber asked Beverly Hamilton, who was beside herself at the moment fighting off tears.

"I don’t know Amber, but I am so relieved she’s out of the hospital now and able to stay here with us where she and the baby are safe. That was no environment to raise a little girl in," She put her head on her hands wondering when the years had flown by her so that she was now a Grandmother.

"I would never allow a man to hit me. If he did I would kick him to the curb," Amber announced confidently.

"Well that is easy enough to say, but I think she really loved that louse even though he didn’t deserve her. I just hate that he had the nerve to hurt her so badly. I can’t understand how she didn’t break her neck on those stairs," her grief was plainly written on her distraught face. She got up from the table to check on Jesse. The little girl was just waking up and smiled up at Beverly with a innocent little grin, totally oblivious to the recent events.

"Well how is my little Granddaughter? You look hungry dear, let’s get you a nice bottle," and she picked her up out of the bassinet that they had rolled out of Ronda’s room to let her get some much needed rest. Amber offered to get it for her and Beverly smiled back at her, "Thank you Amber, I think I will just go out into the living room and sit with her on the couch. You’d like that wouldn’t you Jesse?" The little girl kicked her feet and laughed at her.

Beverly went over to the deep blue, velvet couch and sat down with little Jesse semi-reclined in her ample lap. She had rather enjoyed having the child here with them, even though Ronda had been trying to get herself through surgery and released from the hospital. It had been a very trying two weeks for them all and she had no desire to place any more guilt on her oldest daughter’s already overburdened shoulders. She knew she felt bad enough that things had gotten so close to becoming fatal and Beverly hated how awful it was to just sit by, watching helplessly as that man had continued hurting Ronda.

At least now he would go to jail for what he’d done. She was so glad that Ronda had listened to her pleas to document the abusive behavior, even if she had drawn the line at making a police report before this last incident. Now that the state was involved, they had a very strong case against him and he would definitely go to jail for his criminal actions that had almost stolen Ronda’s very life. It had definitely destroyed her self image no doubt, but Beverly was more then confident in her daughter’s ability to bounce back after this near tragedy. She knew she would do whatever Ronda needed to help her get back on her feet and God help David if he showed up here to try to hurt any of them.

Beverly thought of the 9mm pistol she’d bought last week and the box of ammunition that she’d gotten to practice her aim with. She wasn’t happy that she felt she needed a gun to protect her family, but since her husband had left her many years ago, while both girls had still been in elementary school, there wasn’t much else she felt she could do to feel safe, but had put it off until recently. She had gone to a local shooting range and plowed through some paper targets with surprising accuracy. She’d impressed herself with how quickly she’d been able to pick up how to use and clean the pistol. It was in her nightstand next to her bed and she could have the trigger lock off in a moments notice.

It would give her no pleasure to shoot the bastard, but if he came here looking for trouble, he wouldn’t have any trouble finding it. She smiled up at Amber as she handed her the warmed bottle and then she went back to the kitchen. "What are we having for dinner Mom?" she asked, obviously intending on helping start it.

"We could have a couple of TV dinners or else we could make something like a casserole or spaghetti. What do you feel like honey?" Beverly was easy to please and never minded having what made everyone else happy.

"I don’t feel like having a casserole, but how about we toss in a pizza? I bet Ronda would like that too. Shall I turn the oven on and start one? I am starving!" Amber’s enthusiasm was touching and Beverly appreciated her initiative, "Sounds like a plan Amber. I think there are two or three left to pick from so you choose one."

Jesse was enjoying her bottle, sucking with great gusto. It reminded Beverly of the days when she’d nursed her daughters at her breast. She felt bad that Ronda had been unable to nurse Jesse due to her milk not being abundant enough to meet little growing Jesse’s demands. She knew Ronda had been understandably depressed over it, on top of having to go through the labor and birth on her own. It really wasn’t right that he had left her like he had when he’d been as aware of her due date as any other family member.

She looked at the clock and wondered if Ronda was sleeping yet or not. When she’d gone to the bathroom earlier she’d heard her crying through the door, but had decided to leave her in peace. She hoped she was finally getting some rest and wondered how long it would take her to fully recover from her injuries. The doctors had guessed she would be unable to walk for at least three months at the very least and the thought of her daughter stuck in a wheelchair almost broke her heart. Ronda had always been so active and capable of taking good care of herself that seeing her like this was really awful, but it beat going to a funeral so Beverly just sighed as she observed her sweet granddaughter enjoying her dinner.

Of course, Beverly had never fully approved of her daughter’s choice of occupation and felt that she’d been foolish to date a man she’d danced for, although she’d kept it to herself, figuring it was better to let her learn her on her own. She didn’t regret the way she’d handled this situation, but she certainly didn’t think Ronda had been in her right mind to allow herself to become so badly victimized. It was sad to see how low her daughter’s self esteem had dropped after becoming entangled with the infamous David Johnson. She’d gone from a vibrant, beautiful young woman to a shadow of her former self, living in fear and lacking the confidence she’d worn audaciously in her teen years.

Amber came out to the living room and sat down on one of the comfortable recliners. She was quiet and just watched little Jesse sucking happily on her bottle. Beverly was proud of the way Amber had been helping her out with taking care of Jesse over the past two weeks, making it possible for her to be with Ronda a lot more. She was twenty-one and still going to college, aiming to be a Psychologist. It made her happy to see her youngest daughter doing so well, but seeing her holding Jesse or changing her diapers left her feeling almost overjoyed.

She had looked forward to seeing both daughters married and starting families of their own, but the way Ronda had fallen into the trap so many young women fell into was heartbreaking, although it could have been a lot harder had David pushed her into marriage. She was glad that they didn’t have to endure divorce proceedings on top of all they already had to deal with. Not that Jesse was hard to take care of or that she regretting having her around, but it would have made her feel a lot better if Ronda had chosen her child’s Father more carefully, instead of jumping at the first good looking man who showed interest.

Ronda was a very attractive young woman, with gorgeous long red hair that always did what she wanted it to and her figure was very shapely, even after having Jesse, she was still quite a looker. Amber looked more like her Father, with light brown hair and lovely brown eyes. Her figure was slightly heavier then her older sister, but still very attractive. Beverly knew she had been quite good looking in her younger days and was glad she’d passed on her good features to her girls. Her own flowing red locks were slowly going gray and she would always color over it, since she felt better then if she let it go.

Jesse had finished her bottle and was in need of a good burping, so Beverly grabbed a nearby cloth diaper that they used for such purposes, then moved Jesse over her right shoulder on top of the protective cloth diaper, just in case she happened to spew a little bit of formula with a hearty belch. Which as it turned out was exactly what happened. Beverly and Amber laughed as the little girl burped very loudly several times, striking them both as funny that a baby had such an ability to project sounds so loudly. Beverly remembered three days ago where she’d been watching Amber change her poopy diaper and the look on Amber’s face when the sweet little girl passed gas suddenly making an extremely deafening, yet comical sound of relief.

There were definitely hard times ahead, but Beverly knew Ronda would make the most of herself and eventually would come to realize how wonderful life could be without the bother of having a man around to tell you how to do things or that your way was wrong. Their father Richard, had been a hard man to please, let alone live with. Always complaining about everything from the way the food she cooked tasted to the way she cleaned the house, insisting his way was better. But he had never lifted a hand against his wife in anger. Had he, Beverly knew she would have left him flat.

Nothing a woman could do or say warranted any physical repercussions. She couldn’t think of anything worse then living life in fear. From her perspective, Ronda had totally given away her freedom to this monster and it hadn’t surprised her to learn that he would never let Ronda drive while he was in the car or that he wouldn’t lift a finger to help her around the house, even at her hardest times when she’d been pregnant. Nothing she’d heard from Ronda about her relationship with David surprised her. Many things Ronda told her made her extremely angry with David and then Ronda herself for taking his abuse making it possible for him to have someone to act out upon.

She would have much rather had had her living here during her pregnancy, but even after he’d started hitting her, Ronda hadn’t wanted to leave him, claiming that she believed it was only a fluke that he’d lost control and that he’d told her it wouldn’t happen again. But after hearing this run around several times, Beverly had told her daughter to get out of there before he killed her. Ronda hadn’t thought him capable of such a heinous act, but she knew now that she’d been wrong and that she should’ve listened to her mother’s advice and sought help for herself before things got to this point where she was in a damn wheelchair.

Amber got up to check on the pizza. She announced it was done and that she was taking it out to cool off for awhile. Beverly asked her not to bother Ronda, because she knew how those powerful pills the doctor had prescribed for her, would knock her out for hours. At least that way Ronda would have a chance to relax for a few hours after such a emotionally draining day. It was great having her home, but they had to purchase several items for the bathroom in addition to the sliding board they needed to help her get from the chair to the bed, bath bench or toilet.

At least they had gotten the injunction and the doctor had understood how important it had been for her to be released in order to get things started. She knew it had to have been rough on her to go through the process of getting the restraining order, but Beverly felt better that she’d come home with one in her purse. She also felt better knowing the protection her 9mm would give them should the need arise and she had to defend her home until police arrived to take David to jail or the hospital. She had told Amber about her reasoning for buying the gun and Amber had understood although she obviously hadn’t expected her to go to such lengths.

The house smelt of cooked pizza and Beverly got up to join Amber at the table, putting Jesse into her second hand playpen bought for her last week. Then she got her a few toys to play with, before getting herself and Amber drinks to go with dinner. It wasn’t a happy evening, but Beverly knew it easily could have been a lot grimmer had Ronda either died or been put in a wheelchair permanently. They ate their pizza in silence, both preoccupied with thoughts of the future and what would happen next, while Ronda slept soundly in her old room, dreaming of her days at high school.

The days that followed Ronda’s release from Tampa General were hard on everyone, but she did her best to be brave and not cry in front of her family. Jesse was doing fine and her bouts of colicky crying seemed to have gone away, confirming Ronda’s belief that it had been David’s smoking near her that had contributed to their daughter’s discomfort. At least the little girl hadn’t come up having asthma, which had been a big fear of Ronda’s after reading how children exposed to second hand smoke were more likely to be diagnosed with asthma, then those whose parents didn’t smoke.

So far, four days had passed since her release and she felt better, but still had an awful lot of pain plaguing her waking moments. Amber and their mother had shown Ronda just how much they loved both her and Jesse. She hadn’t been able to visit but twice since having Jesse in May. David hadn’t liked Amber or her mother and had gotten upset the two times she’d gone over to see them, accusing her of going elsewhere instead of over there to see them. She had not wanted to risk angering him again over it and had not even mentioned going over after the beating she’d gotten after coming home from a lovely visit, only to be brutalized and raped in view of her daughter.

It made her so furious how he thought it was fine to beat her up just because he was her boyfriend. He had made a big deal over marriage saying, "I would never marry you, I would worry about you taking half of my hard earned money and any house we might end up owning together." She had been rather hurt by his attitude but had figured he would change his mind later. She was glad now that he hadn’t wanted marriage and it was bad enough Jesse had his last name, which he had insisted on saying, "If I find out this child aint mine, I’ll kill you bitch," with the most deadly serious smirk on his lips that she shuddered to remember it.

He always made her feel so stupid and useless, because of the way he would constantly say degrading things to her. She wished she had never ever gone out with him now as she sat in the wheelchair, feeling really guilty she had to depend on her family like she had to for the moment. It felt horrible to sit by watching her sister and mother taking care of Jesse most intimate needs, from changing to bathing her. They did so happily, but it was the point that she was unable to do it on her own that upset her.

She tensed up almost every time a car or truck drove up their street because she wasn’t sure if David was in it and on his way to try to hurt her. She hated the anxiety she was living with and felt like it would never go away until he was caught and behind bars. She laid in her bed, hearing cars driving past, wishing she could get up easier so she could have checked on whether or not the car had stopped nearby or driven past. It would have made her feel better knowing it hadn’t stopped, but because she was still racked by pain, she wasn’t able to fulfill her desire for security. Insecurity had become like a second skin, clinging to her every thought, gesture and action over the past year.

It was hard to remember the confidence she’d known when dancing, making men drool over the way she gyrated her hips around seductively to the beat of the music, shaking her breasts and showing off her tight muscled body. Her sister had not been glad Ronda had decided to pursue dancing as a means of supporting herself saying, "Don’t you want to make money from your brain instead of your body? I mean, those kind of men won’t respect you Ronda."

But it wasn’t their respect she wanted and try as she had she hadn’t been able to get it across to Amber that it was the money she danced for, as well as the feeling of living out her exhibitionist fantasies. It wasn’t hard for her to feel sexy in those days wearing artificial nails, make-up and always having her hair done to accentuate her sharp features. She had always had other girls being jealous of her throughout her school days, always treating her like she wasn’t there when she was looking and then making faces behind her back.

Ronda hadn’t cared because it had obviously stemmed from their intense jealousy of her appearance and personality. Boys, however, had always been very attracted to her and she’d never had problems finding one to ask her out. Amber hadn’t had too many boyfriends as she’d been more interested in studying then socializing as Ronda had. She still seemed geared towards studies and Ronda was proud that she would graduate soon to begin her dream of being a licensed Psychologist. Even so, Ronda wasn’t comfortable burdening her sister with the full extent of her own problems and she planned to seek out some serious spousal abuse counseling as soon as she was able.

Watching her mother cooking dinner for them all reminded her of the days when Amber and she had set the table for her each night. They would take turns doing the dishes and it wasn’t too hard because they’d had a dishwasher that did most of the work for them. Her mother was humming pleasantly and it had for the most part been another uneventful day like the one before it. There was no news on her case and she figured David wasn’t aware of the trouble he was in. He probably was still out of state on a fruit run or maybe it was some other load he was hauling to who knows where.

The only good thing about his job had been how long he would be gone during the active trucking cycles. He could be gone for two weeks or even get another assignment while on route on a current one. The longest he’d been gone was three weeks. It had been really nice having the apartment to herself, but when he’d returned he’d made her restock the refrigerator’s beer supply so he could go on a weekend long binge. Then a six pack into it he’d started in on her with the accusations asking her how her boyfriend was and if she’d fucked him every night he’d been gone.

She hated how rudely he would throw his groundless suspicions in her face and knew if she did anything other then calmly tell him the truth that he would slap her silly. She tried to picture some man hitting her mother and couldn’t. She knew she wouldn’t take it and Ronda wondered why she had, for the thousandth time and certainly not the last. Hopefully counseling would make her understand why she’d stayed with David so she would not enter into another destructive relationship the next time she thought she’d found a good man.

David had certainly seemed like a good man and had shown no signs of his abusive potential that Ronda could remember. He had seemed rather obsessed with her and kept her from dancing, but other then his insistence that he drive her around in her car whenever they went anywhere together, there was nothing else she could think of that could have set off warning signals before they’d moved into the apartment. It was sad to think that she had gotten to this point where she didn’t even wear make-up, let alone do anything to her hair but put it up.

Ronda couldn’t stop herself from cringing when her mother accidentally dropped an empty pan onto the floor, resulting in a loud banging noise. Her mother looked startled by it as well, but she meekly apologized for the small mishap, saying, "Butter fingers. Sorry Ronda." She felt embarrassed and laughed nervously, thinking that something as silly as a pot banging onto the floor had the power to make her flinch, but it made her realize just how traumatized she still was after the abuse she’d been living with.

The chicken was as good as any she remembered, but eating gave her little pleasure. In fact her only real reason for living anymore was her beloved baby girl. Seeing her laughing or playing gave Ronda the most wonderful feeling of hope, but she hated not knowing exactly what would happen over the next days and years to come. David was looking at jail time, no doubt, but how long depended on whether he confessed or not because there had been no witnesses to the incident and if he denied it, it would be her word against his in court.

She had learned that because she’d never made any previous police reports about his abusive behavior, that the photographs were next to worthless. It had upset her tremendously, but all she could do about it was to hope the lesser charge of aggravated battery would stick and he would go to jail for as long as possible.

Now she wished vainly that she had listened to her mother’s pleas for making a report. What a fool she’d been to think that David loved her and would want to change. She had such trouble even trying to think about forgiving herself for her bad judgments over the last year and a half, that she just pushed the pain of it all aside, for the moment until she could afford to contemplate resolution. At least he hadn’t put her in a wheelchair forever, as he easily could have. He had called her a worthless bitch as he’d shoved her, but that wasn’t enough to up the charge to attempted murder.

Her mother seemed buoyant despite the news about the valueless pictures and Ronda couldn’t understand how she could be so cheerful. She figured it had to do with her joy over being a new grandmother, but she wasn’t sure. It had been terribly hard to not talk about the situation and Ronda shivered just thinking about what might happen if he showed up here some night. Having the injunction was one thing, but it offered no real security for her tormented frame of mind. She had thought about buying a gun, but just couldn’t see herself being able to use it on him, except if he was trying to kill her or her family.

It made her feel helpless to not have something to protect herself with and she wondered what would stop him from making good on his threats of killing her if she ever left him and took away Jesse. Washing down the last of her dinner with a nice swallow of soda, Ronda eyed her pain pills on the kitchen counter. Her mother picked up on her gesture and stood to get them for her. Ronda smiled and thanked her, then she went over to Jesse.

"How’s Mommy’s little girl? You look so cute in that outfit Grandma bought for you. Awww, come here darling," and she leaned down carefully, unbuckling her from her bouncer seat.

"That’s my big girl. Did you have a good day? Yeah? Went shopping with Aunt Amber did you?" Her matronly smile warmed her mother’s heart. She glanced over at her and saw she had tears in her eyes.

"It’s okay Mom. It’s going to work out. Like you said, they will catch him."

"I know baby. It’s just so sad seeing you in that damn chair. You should be out at the parks with her, instead of stuck in that chrome plated nightmare," her mother’s mood darkened considerably, shocking Ronda. She knew her mother was very disturbed, but to see her so openly upset hurt badly. She held Jesse on her lap and grinned down at her, hoping to cheer her mother back up, "Maybe when I get a little better we could go for a nice picnic together. Just the four of us."

Her mother nodded and Amber remained silent. It was strange seeing her younger sister staring off into space and acting like she wasn’t listening, "You okay Amber?"

"Huh? I was thinking about something. Sorry, what were you saying Ronda?" Amber looked rather tired and Ronda repeated her desire to go on a picnic.

"Yeah, that sounds like fun," but from Amber’s voice it didn’t seem like her words agreed with her real thoughts on the matter. She was very distracted by something and if it had been during the school semester, Ronda would have thought it was school bothering her brainy sibling. This seemed darker. Like it was David related. In her mind now all things about David were more sinister then she’d ever admitted to herself before. She was ashamed of how she’d allowed him to practically run her damn life and now that he wasn’t in it anymore she felt strangely out of place, even in her old home.

It wasn’t a good feeling at all, but she knew it would go away with time and professional help. It was only a matter of waiting for her body to heal before the really hard part began, of healing her broken mind and spirit. She had called a local spouse abuse shelter and spoken with one of their counselors who had kindly listened while Ronda explained things to her. The woman’s name was Linda, and Ronda had talked with her for about forty minutes about all kinds of things relating to the abuse she’d suffered and the groups sessions they had at the shelter for abuse victims.

She wasn’t sure she wanted to go to their meetings, but it had been nice to talk with Linda about her feelings that she wasn’t comfortable airing to her family out of shame and fear of what they would think of her for it. Linda had told her how lucky she was that her family had helped her like they had, because there were a lot of other women less fortunate, who had no choice but bringing their kids and themselves to the shelter to get out of bad, potentially deadly situations.

Holding Jesse made her feel such powerful emotions that she half wanted to cry. It had been hard on Ronda growing up most of her life without having her father there, but he had run off a long time ago and until recently she hadn’t thought about how badly it had made her feel. She knew her daughter would not have a real Father either, unless she had the good fortune to find a decent man who would want to live his life with them both.

And Ronda knew she was no where near ready to even give any time to pursuing anything other then getting her head straight and back on her feet. She hoped the time would come when she felt she would be able to trust another man again, but for the moment, every man she saw made her uneasy, even her own doctor. She had trouble maintaining eye contact with almost everyone, but little Jesse. It felt like they could see right into her soul and would judge her for being so weak minded that she’d allowed herself to be abused.

She knew her self-esteem was in the gutter and had only herself to blame. It had been wrong for her to take that kind of abuse. Linda had told her many women who hadn’t had strong Father figures to look up to and trust, often ended up in abusive relationships like Ronda had. She already knew how people looked down on exotic dancing, because she’d heard all sorts of things from dancers have no esteem to most of them being unable to have a decent relationship with any man. She had known a few girls who had found happiness in the arms of other dancers, but Ronda had never even considered trying that kind of alternative lifestyle and didn’t find it at all attractive to her.

She loved men too much for that to be satisfying. Everything from the male body, to the power of their flesh. She was intoxicated when with a handsome man reciprocated her interest. She’d been sexually active in high school, much to her mother’s disappointment, but it had been Ronda’s choice and she couldn’t say that she regretted it, because it had taught her a lot about relationships. As far as she knew her sister was still a virgin and she wondered what her first time would be like and if she would wait for her future husband or give in before taking the marital plunge.

It was a shame she had never had a boyfriend and she had always turned Ronda down whenever she’d offered to fix her up, saying she had no interest in dating anyone. There was no doubt they were as different as dogs and cats, but she had always loved and respected Amber, despite their differences. They had never really fought like she’d seen other sisters fight, although they had lengthy discussions about things, it never degenerated into arguments. Ronda figured it had to do with the fact that there was just the three of them and fighting seemed like a pointless exercise.

She sighed and looked down at her daughter. Jesse was yawning and acting like she was ready for bed so she grinned over to her mother saying, "I think Jesse is ready to hit the hay and I hate to say it, but I am too. great dinner Mom."

"Thanks Ronda. I think I will take her if you don’t mind and put her back in her bassinet. Can you manage to wheel back to your room?" her expression was hopeful, but Ronda knew however hard it was, she would do it as she had really gotten quite tired of having Amber or their mother pushing her all around the house. Besides she was finally feeling a little stronger.

"Yeah, I think I can make it, but I’d appreciate you spotting me to get into bed. Last thing I need is a fall to set me back, you know?" she grinned.

"True dear. When is your next doctor appointment?" her mother knew it was tomorrow, but Ronda told her anyway.

"Ten thirty tomorrow. Can you still drive me?" she hated being so dependent and needy, but had no other choice.

Her mother nodded and then took Jesse from her, heading towards Ronda’s room. It took her a great deal of determination, but Ronda made it to her bedroom door under her own power, thinking to herself how on earth she was going to get through the next weeks until she was able to get into therapy for her to get back to walking again. She grimaced with exertion from making the transfer out of the chair into her bed. But she was getting better at doing it and hadn’t slipped up yet. It made her feel more secure having her mother or sister there to spot her during transfers, but she felt relieved she never needed their help.

She situated herself under the warmth of her comforter and hugged her mother who left the room after telling her to get some rest. That was exactly what Ronda wanted to do, but it felt like she wouldn’t be able to get very much since her mind was running full speed. It was hard to be alone in a bed after having a man next to her for so long, but she knew it was far better to be alone and suffering the loneliness she was, then to let David or any other man treat her like she was nothing more then a possession to be pulled out at a convenient time.

She wondered what it would be like to be on her own with Jesse and whether or not she would get a job dancing or try to get some kind of an office job. The thought of dancing appealed to her desire for steady money, but the office setting was about as attractive to her as a dirty diaper. She tried to get comfortable and failed miserably. It made her mad that it was so damn hard to get in a position where she could let sleep creep up and try to take her off to dreamland.

She felt like crying now that she was alone in the sanctity of her room, but she kept herself from indulging in more useless self-pity. It was so terrible to look down at her two legs that now were next to useless on top of having too many stitches to count piercing her skin to hold it together long enough that it could heal up from the surgery almost three weeks ago. She tried to picture how they would look two months from now when she would be able to start walking again and couldn’t.

The two scars on her thighs were angry, red lines that ran almost the length of the outside of her thigh. Her ribs still hurt badly, as did her legs, but at least she wasn’t having to deal with casts on both legs. She was grateful for the rods even though the doctor had told her she would probably be able to have them removed and more then likely would want to have them out at some point. It was comforting to at least be able to move them even if she wasn’t able to bear any weight on them yet.

Even holding Jesse on her lap was almost more then she could tolerate. She grinned hearing the little girl’s rhythmic breathing which told her she was sleeping peacefully. It was hard to think of what could have happened had she remembered to get David’s cigarettes and the incident had not occurred. She wondered whether he would have started hurting Jesse or if his abuse would have been limited only to her. Linda had told her that most abusive men would eventually start in on their kids because it was too tempting to hurt someone who had no way to defend themselves from an attack.

She blinked back tears, flinching as a car door being slammed shut, apparently from across the street. She wished she could sit up and check to set her mind at ease, but she knew that there was no way and it would be almost two months before she could. She thought about David again, wondering where he was and whether or not he knew what kind of trouble he’d put her through over his stupid addiction to both cigarettes and abusing her.

She figured he had no idea and that he wouldn’t care even if he had known he’d put her in the hospital. She could never leave someone who was hurt and was appalled thinking that David had so easily left her helpless and bleeding from abrasions on her face. She crimped back the tears that begged to be shed, telling herself that no matter what, David deserved whatever he got because of how heartless he’d been. She didn’t relish the idea of facing him in court, but knew there would be lots of people there who would protect her from him.

But who could protect her from her self flagellating thoughts over staying so long. She knew she should have left the first time he’d hit her and she regretted it immensely. If she had then she would be in a different frame of mind today then the defeated, broken hearted despair she dealt with daily. She turned her head against the crisp pillowcase and counted her lucky stars her mother had jumped to her rescue as she had. At least now she was relatively safe from harm and could start thinking about what she wanted to do with herself after she recovered.

As she started to fantasize about dancing again and having men gaping at her, she relaxed. She knew that she hadn’t closed her dancing career forever and tentatively decided she would return to it if she could find a way to have Jesse looked after while she worked. It would feel so good to go to the salon and get a fresh set of nails and maybe even a few highlights added to her lovely deep red hair. She dreamed of a full club and generous patrons showering her with appreciation in the form of their hard earned money.

"I hope she is serious about getting into some counseling Mom. I don’t think I could bear to see her get into another relationship like this one again any more then you could," Amber’s concern was plainly displayed now that her sister was in her room for the night.

"I know Amber. I hope that son of a bitch don’t show up here. Every day he doesn’t just makes me more and more nervous that he will at some point. I can’t understand how they haven’t caught him yet. He must be laying real low, if he is even coming back to Florida at all," Beverly shuddered thinking about her gun and how awful it would be to need to use it to defend themselves from the insanity of David Johnson.

"I bet he comes back soon Mom. I don’t think he can resist trying to see what happened to Ronda after he left and that’ll be when the police catch him. That fink probably thinks he and Ronda will get back together. You think she means it when she says she won’t even think of going back to him this time?" she obviously wasn’t as convinced about her sister’s sincerity as Beverly was and Amber hugged herself in an effort to comfort herself from the idea of her sister at David’s hands again.

"If she does Amber I will be very shocked. She is very aware of how close he came to killing her this time and for the love and sake of her daughter I believe that she means it. What worries me is what she is going to do with herself now that she has to go back to working full time to support Jesse. I think she is more then likely going to say she wants to dance again, which would bother me, but really, what else can she do? I mean she isn’t like you Amber. You I know you’re going to be successful with your career in Psychology, but with Ronda it’s always been about instant gratification."

I don’t think she has any desire to go back to school and try to make a respectable career for herself to be proud of and that is what scares me," and scare her it did. If Ronda had not ever danced odds are she would never have met David and might have had a different life.

"I know Mom, I tried I don’t know how many times to get through to her about respecting herself and wanting that instead of the fast money those creepy men gave her for exploiting herself for them. Somehow I don’t think she is going to get it and I bet you’re right that that is exactly what she tells us she wants to do. I guess in the short run it would be the easiest way for her to support herself and Jesse, but I would much rather see her here with us and back in school, on her way to a real career. What are you going to tell her if she asks you to watch Jesse while she dances?" Amber looked sad over the lost dignity of her sibling.

"I have thought about it a lot Amber and I will watch Jesse for her, but I want her to think about her future. If she announces that she must dance her way out of that setting, I’m going to tell her that she ought to get back to school and dance at night. I could accept it if she handled it that way and the dancing led to something bigger and more substantial. What kind of stability can she offer that little girl with such superficial goals as dancing offers?" Beverly could only hope the best for her oldest daughter and knew that no matter what she chose to do she would always be there to support her, even if she didn’t like what she was doing with her life.

Amber sighed heavily and it seemed to Beverly that she was as disgusted by Ronda’s desire for that kind of lifestyle as she herself was. It grew silent between them and Beverly got up to do the dishes from dinner. Amber helped her. But they didn’t discuss Ronda again as it was too hard to think about and with everything still up in the air it was useless to ponder further. Instead they spoke about Jesse and how sweet the little girl was to be around. Beverly knew it would be hard to see Ronda and Jesse get their own place, but she knew it would come eventually.

She wouldn’t mind in the least if Ronda somehow agreed to go back to school to better herself and continued to stay at home with her. Although Beverly would have to return to work soon herself she knew that Jesse would be easy enough to find a competent sitter for or even a decent daycare to watch her during the day when there would be no one here to take care of her. Beverly was glad her boss had understood and granted her a month vacation time to help her daughter out during the hardest time.

The thought of returning to work wasn’t a nice one because she knew her thoughts would be constantly on her granddaughter’s well being and that of her oldest daughter. It was so nice to not have to worry about Amber that way and she looked over at her drying dishes, before putting them back into the cabinet. She was so responsible and Beverly figured it was due in part to the way she’d seen Ronda running wild. She regretted now, letting her oldest act so impulsively throughout her younger days, but she hadn’t been able to prevent her from doing so while she was busily supporting them.

Being a single parent was hard and she knew it wouldn’t be any easier on Ronda because she would have to tone down her late night excursions that had made Beverly get bars put on her windows to keep her from sneaking out at night to go run off with older boys. She prayed that Ronda would hear the logic in going back to school and that she would get her act together before her behavior hurt Jesse. Beverly didn’t think she could stand to see her neglected at all and knew she would be hard on Ronda if she ever even thought she was not doing her absolute best to give Jesse all that she deserved.

As she laid down to try to sleep less then an hour later, Beverly Hamilton was caught up worrying about what the next months would have in store for the little girl and for them all. She glanced over at her nightstand where her loaded gun sat ever ready to heed the urgent call to defend the household. It had helped her to sleep better at night and she prayed that the time wouldn’t come that she would need to fumble for the key around her neck to the trigger lock.

The day of her appointment came and went uneventfully. Her next appointment the following week, was not easy, as she had to have her stitches removed. By the time she was back home with her Mom and sister she was close to tears of relief that it was over. She had been so scared of how much it would hurt, but it had only made her twitch a couple of times way up at the top of the scar where the flesh was thicker somehow. Her doctor had recommended therapy as soon as possible so that Ronda could start working herself and trying to strengthen her muscles.

She had called to set it up and was surprised that they were able to fit her in as soon as two days from now. She wasn’t sure what to expect but her doctor had told her it was like exercising only you had someone there telling you which were the best for your situation. She had had a physical trainer at the gym she’d worked out in when she’d danced and Doctor Parker agreed with her that a therapist was similar to a trainer. At least Amber was off of school and would be able to take her for the next month.

It would give her needed time to get other methods of transportation there set up. There were special buses equipped with lifts to transport wheelchairs. It wouldn’t be a permanent arrangement and neither was her dependence on the wheelchair. She could see the end in sight and felt hopeful that somehow she would rebuild herself from the way she’d been letting herself go. It had been easier then trying to justify to David why she wanted to work out to keep her figure tight.

He would have accused her of seeing someone at the gym and she had given up on a lot of the ways she used to pamper herself. Now she knew she might resume her previous routine to some extent, but knew her daughter was more important than any nail polish or hair style. She just didn’t like to see herself looking so shabby. She was in bad need of a haircut and wished she could get one, but the idea of having one from a chair or sitting in one at a salon wasn’t a pleasant thought for someone suffering from recent surgery to set the two major bones in the legs.

Ronda knew it would be necessary for her to figure a way out to get things covered regarding Jesse and getting herself to and from places. Her financial situation had made her eligible for government assistance at least temporarily until she could dance her way out of it. A few months from now she could see herself back onstage making money that would do a lot to take her out of her mother’s home again to a comfortable life she and Jesse would be happy living.

She sat at the kitchen table thinking about how good it was going to feel to get back up there and act out the fantasies she’d so easily expressed for the enjoyment of men and in sheer pleasure it gave her to be so hungrily desired. She had missed all the attention and knew she was eager to feel like her sexuality was validated again, instead of being exploited. She could understand how some people felt it was exploitative, she didn’t agree with the opinion and felt she had the right to perform and make a living with her looks as well as her dancing ability.

It had made her feel all kinds of ways about herself and she remembered men giving her roses, with lots of big bills for a nice lap dance. It made her quiver thinking about the way she’d used to shave herself bare to be able to wear the thong cut panties without having to feel all that hair rubbing around. She had one routine where she wore a special sequin covered bra that she’d carefully crafted for herself to match a sequin covered thong. She wore thigh high boots and a smile to die for. There was a matching top hat, vest and snap on skirt.

She had a lot of great outfits during her lucrative four years of dancing. There was a lot involved in keeping up with yourself and keeping in shape. David had practically forbidden her from wearing make-up, cutting her down, always saying something derogatory and degrading as a means of slapping her down right into his palm. Ronda felt the need to dance again take up space in her thoughts used to keep her spirits high and force herself to forget the pain of the recent past. Her daughter was safe and away from the dangerous environment David had created.

She was thriving and as she looked down at her snoozing in her playpen a few feet away in the living-room, she knew things would work out for them with time. Her mother walked in and looked over at Ronda. She came over and asked if she was okay. Ronda grinned contentedly and said, "Yeah Mom. Just thinking about how I want to make a good life for Jesse like you made for me and Amber."

She thought she saw her mother’s cheeks inflame with embarrassment and she replied, "Oh Ronda, thank-you. How sweet. I know you’ll do fine. You made it this far and she’d just fine. You got out before it got worse. At least you got out."

She sighed and nodded, "I know. That woman from the shelter had a lot to say about how many times a woman goes back to an abusive man, despite the increased incidents of violence. She also told me get back on my feet and start making friends again. She was real nice and invited me to attend some group meetings, but to start off I would rather just have like a counselor to vent to."

Her mother nodded along with what Ronda was saying and she went on, "I know I have a long way to go before I get where I need to be, but it isn’t impossible. I think I can get better and make sure only positive male influences are near both Jesse and myself. First I have to figure out the way to forgive myself and reclaim my personal identity back. I know you don’t approve of my dancing Mom, but to be totally honest with you, I think it would be the fastest way for me to get back on my feet. Besides I really don’t know what else I could do," her voice couldn’t hide her lack of confidence or the resonant tone of defeat.

She shrugged her shoulders and picked up her glass of water. It was hard to talk about herself like she was doing, but she felt like it was a step in the right direction towards committing herself to some course of action. She knew her mother was proud of Amber for having the ambition to become a Psychologist and Ronda didn’t doubt for one minute that Amber would miss school so much that she would end up going another four years to get the MD and be a full fledged Psychiatrist. It was painfully silent as she waited, her heart pounding anxiously, for what seemed like thirty seconds before her mother responded.

"I would like to see you think about school. There are all kinds of things you could learn that would be a lot better and easier on you emotionally then dancing your best years away instead of working for a long term career like Amber is. I don’t mean to compare you darling, but I would hate to see you have to make dancing your only back up plan. You’re capable of so much more. I mean someone with your style could do great doing hair or even starting your own business. It’s a world of opportunity out there and I’d hate to think you short changed yourself because it was a familiar pattern and all you think you are able to do."

I am also not so anxious to have you and Jesse leave. I’d much rather help both of my girls make lives for themselves that will be as good as possible. You need to think about what you want to see yourself doing in five to ten years from now. Don’t let it be dancing in some old club because you never took the time to believe that you were capable of anything else."

Ronda felt like she’d been slapped in the face and wished she could give in to the urge to cry, but pride forced her poker face. She couldn’t help but to recover using the slightest touches of sarcasm, "Well, it’s true I could open a salon and get a license to practice cosmetology and you know how I always liked doing my nails. But I do see myself dancing in the near future. I know it’s not easy for you to accept, but I don’t look at it as bad. It’s performance art. No different then those naked paintings hanging on museum walls. I appreciate all you and Amber have done for me and Jesse, but don’t feel like you have to protect me from dancing. I’m only twenty-three Mom. I have plenty of time to think about things and get my head straight."

She hoped she hadn’t come across as too sarcastic, but she wished her mother would just stop pressuring her to set a higher career goal as her sister proudly had early on in her teen years. It was true that Ronda had thought about cosmetology before, but had felt dancing offered more excitement then the salon setting would. It was nice to be able to go get her nails done and run in for a polish change or a special hairstyle for work, but she didn’t think it would be fun to do it day in and day out for other people, especially once she’d inevitably been drawn into the inner circle of the girls who worked there.

"It might be nice to own a shop and if I could save up it would be one way of getting out of dancing. I wish I had taken it in high school, but if I remember right it was filled up really fast. I know you have to go back to work soon, but I hope to have a way to get around if maybe together we could solve the daytime care of Jesse until I get back up on two feet to do it myself and dance at night. Would you be able to watch her at night while I was working?" Ronda hoped she’d made it sound pleasant enough.

"Certainly. I think it would be too hard to try to get into school this year and I would have no problem if you and Jesse stayed a year or two so that maybe we could get you into your own house instead of you two moving around from apartment to apartment. That’s no way to grow up. One thing I know you appreciated was having a house to put roots down in. I think it made things easier when your father left us, that we didn’t have to move." Her mother’s expression was grim and Ronda felt the twinge of memory of a strange painful day long ago where her father had walked out the front door taking with him several suitcases.

Her heart cried out in pain over the memory of him waving good-bye and then how hard it had been watching birthdays and holidays pass without hearing from him at all. Her mother had done her best to make things better for them and they went to her grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving and any other get togethers during the years such as birthdays and even Easter when they’d always had an egg hunt. She felt tears wanting to escape her and she fought them off.

"That’s really great Mom. You know I am going to make it. With your help Jesse and I can be on our way to a happy house of our own in the near future. I do want that kind of security for her. It hurt not having Daddy around after the divorce, but having Grandma made it so much easier around the holidays. I’m glad to have you be so supportive of me Mom. It means a lot. I’ll figure a way to get ahead, but I think dancing will be part of it for at least a while." Her mother nodded and appeared to understand and even accept her statement.

"I know how much it means to have a house to call your own. We were lucky that Grandma was able to look after you and Amber while I held two jobs to keep us above water. It makes a difference to have that family help to depend on." Her mother offered to get them some lunch and Ronda nodded. She wished she could get around easier, but she was barely able to get the chair to and from her room a few times a day and going to the bathroom was a major event requiring the presence of either her sister or mother to help stop her from falling if she lost her balance.

She sat quietly while her mother made sandwiches for a light lunch and took out a package of graham crackers to top it off with a glass of milk. It was just perfect and by the time that her mother was pitching the papers plates out, Jesse woke from her afternoon nap happy and refreshed. Ronda wished she could go get her out of the playpen but it was just not possible. Her heart ached to be stuck so racked in agony that even holding her daughter was uncomfortable.

Her mother took her from the playpen and offered her to Ronda. She wheeled over to the couch and her mother brought over the sliding board. Ronda had no trouble switching to the comfortable reclining chair and cuddled with Jesse at her side, cradled in her right arm. Her mother smiled and sat on the pretty floral patterned love seat. The sun was shining in through the blinds and Ronda marveled at how lovely her mother was, even at forty-three, that her face was so expressive of her feelings and when she smiled it beamed from ear to ear. To be the reason for the smile had always made Ronda feel loved and seeing her mother react to Jesse warmed her heart, filling her with hope.

Her hair was in need of a coloring, but other then the fine lines around her eyes, her mother looked rather striking, despite being pleasantly plump. The clothing she wore accented her good parts and drew attention away from her figure’s larger areas. Her hips were rather round and Ronda guessed her mother weighed around a hundred fifty at just five and a half feet, but she wore it well and had good proportions. Ronda had let her weight get as high as one hundred forty recently and knew it was because she would pig out and binge on junk food or sodas to comfort herself from the pain the lack of love David showed her.

They sat and watched a bit of television together and Jesse had a bottle at her mother’s side. Ronda was glad she was able to sit with Jesse like this and could see how happy her little girl was to be around her. It was better then any pain pill that Doctor Parker had prescribed her and she grinned through her second afternoon nap, with Ronda dozing off herself, grinning along with her sleeping daughter. Amber appeared before the baby had woken from the second nap and Ronda smiled at her sister. All things considered, Ronda was feeling pretty good about things and was encouraged that her mother had been as agreeable to her returning to dancing as she had seemed.

After thinking about their earlier conversation, Ronda came to realize she had taken her mother’s concern the wrong way and instead of being glad she’d been honest enough to express it, Ronda had only taken offense at what was said about selling herself short. It had hurt her to become vulnerable by admitting she didn’t know what else she could do with herself in the first place, but it had been so obvious that her mother had thought about this in how she handled it. Ronda had to smile again remembering how it had turned around before getting out of hand. Suddenly she remembered an old children’s tale about a lion with a thorn in his paw and she grinned as her mother came over to relieve her.

Her mother took Jesse from her, putting her back into the playpen where she would wake up shortly. It was getting close to dinnertime and her mother went about getting some started for them. Ronda wasn’t a bad cook since her mother had taken the time to show her most of her favorite recipes. She thought about how nice it would feel to make dinner for her when she was up to it. She had a lot to look forward to and thanked God she and Jesse were safe from harm. It was bothering her that David had so far eluded the police and she wondered if he hadn’t had a second girlfriend somewhere else that he was staying with to avoid being caught.

It didn’t matter to her one way or another, except for the fact that because he had been so accusatory towards her it now made her wonder and she decided to go to the health department when she could find time to have herself thoroughly checked out. She wouldn’t be surprised if she came up having something she shouldn’t have and knew it would be proof of David’s infidelity. For all she knew Jesse might not be his only child. She hated all the unanswerable questions she had regarding David’s past and recalled that his attitude had gotten very defensive whenever she’d asked him about it.

He had to have been hiding something and Ronda knew it had been something he hadn’t been eager to share with her. But then he hadn’t been eager to share much of himself with her anyway. Preferring to hide behind a wall of accusations meant to cast doubt away from himself and reflecting it back onto Ronda. She remembered how ugly he had gotten with her over stupid things and how upset she had been for the majority of their time together. Her best memories of the last year were of the times when he wasn’t at home with her.

It had amazed her at the way he was so eager to get into bed in the early part of their relationship and after they’d moved into the apartment, how it had degenerated into more of a laborious chore he felt he had to perform instead of doing it because it pleased them both. She had not always felt like having sex whenever David had and after he’d had a few beers he wouldn’t take no for an answer. She had felt that was extremely unfair that he would use emotional blackmail to get her in bed and when he’d forced her right after Jesse’s birth when he’d returned, it had been the ultimate humiliation for her.

Long gone were the nights of passionate affection where they had slept in each other’s arms after a wonderful moments making love, which was it had been like in the beginning. She wondered if he changed because of the baby or if he’d just hidden his rotten nature to ensure she would succumb to his charms. There would be other lovers eventually and Ronda knew she would be able to get over David with time and the guidance of a counselor. Talking with Linda had been really helpful for her and she knew she would have to do something to get away from the dancer’s lifestyle that she believed a single Mom shouldn’t be doing when her child was of school age.

Which meant she had to think about what direction she wanted to take her life in. She thought about it some more during dinner which was pork chops with corn and applesauce. Being home again was a great comfort and as she looked around the table at her mom and sister she smiled genuinely, full of the hope she was beginning to feel fill her heart. She was proud her sister was making her dream of helping others a reality by finishing her last year of school and it inspired her to look within herself to see what it was she felt she could spend her days doing that would be productive and positive.

Deep down Ronda longed to help people in some way, but wasn’t certain how. Even though she envied her sister’s dedication and determination to make her dream reality, at the same time she was proud of her sister, she felt her faults magnify in the bright light of Amber’s academic success. It was so hard to be humbled by accepting her younger sister’s help to do so much for her and Jesse. Ronda was relieved to be here with them and knew with her family’s continued support she would figure out what direction she would move herself in that would give her the fulfillment dancing for horny guys could not.

Ronda sighed, feeling so much better after being away from the hospital for what seemed like so long. After dinner, when she was sitting with Jesse on the recliner again to give her a nighttime bottle, she was still smiling. It was getting easier to take the pain in her body because she was really getting better every day. She woke this morning feeling stiff, but not to the point where she’d had to take a pill right away. She had waited until after breakfast and then had one. The day was coming where she would no longer need the pills to help her manage to make it through the day.

She had never really gotten heavily into drugs and had never liked being around people who did more then drink. Smoking bothered her enough as it was and she hadn’t like living with David’s addiction to the awful things. He always made her go get them for him along with his beer and she had hated it. The only time she’d had any peace was when he was passed out on the couch or playing games on his computer. Now she was free from his control she felt really good and if she had felt it wouldn’t be too hard she would have put on some make-up just for her own pleasure.

Her make-up case had been full of cosmetics and one night after an especially horrible argument, David had picked it up and slammed it into the garbage can. He had broken almost everything in it and she had no choice but to let it go along with everything else he demanded she relinquish control of to prove her loyalty to him. She would get all new cosmetics, but she wished she still had the case. It had been a nice one that had a lock on it, which had come in handy for when she brought it to work since sometimes other dancers would borrow things without asking and when her case was locked it wasn’t possible.

She had met a lot of interesting people at the club, from the huge body builders who kept the peace to the vast array of women who, for one reason or another ended up dancing in the club. Ronda remembered more then one occasion where another female dancer had propositioned her for sex and she had flat out refused. She knew she was attractive and hadn’t needed to prove it to anyone or herself. A strange thought hit her, of her mother or sister’s reaction at being propositioned by one of the women who’d come on to her and she laughed.

Her sister gave her a funny look and asked her what was so funny. Ronda laughed again and told her it was nothing, "It was something stupid. Just thinking about something Jesse did." She hoped her sister bought her excuse because there was no way she would tell her the truth about why she’d laughed.

"Whatever you say Ronda," and it seemed like her sister wasn’t concerned in the slightest so she let it go. Amber was acting rather strange since she’d come home. Like she was still distracted by something she was unwilling to share. Ronda understood how that felt and knew if her sister needed to talk to her that she would. Until then Ronda knew it would remain a mystery. Amber took the remote and changed the channel to catch the evening news, her face a blank revealing nothing about her thoughts.

Ronda was playing with Jesse and trying to coax a burp from the little bundle of joy and hardly noticed that there was news on. It was usually bad news anyway and she hardly ever watched it even if it was on. Ronda liked to have music videos on and play music on her stereo, but David had ended that practice when he’d put a chair through the glass cabinet door, destroying her receiver and every other component to her expensive sound system. It made her mad remembering how disrespectful he always was towards her belongings.

She remembered a set of champagne glasses that she’d bought for them on Valentine’s day this year that had their names engraved on them. They hadn’t even used them because David had gotten angry at her for spending the money without asking him, he threw them against the kitchen floor and made her clean it up after slapping her silly. She sighed bitterly over the memory of that injustice and tried to force thoughts of him from her mind. She was angry about all the things he’d done to her, but then she was angry with herself for taking it and the combination was not at all comfortable for her.

By the time she and Jesse were in her room for the night and the little girl was snoozing quietly, Ronda found herself thinking again about dancing. She wouldn’t even consider it a possibility that she wouldn’t be able to do it like she had before this fall and she sat in her bed tossing around routines she might possibly revamp a bit for a comeback. She’d been able to salvage most of her costumes because she’d never moved them into the apartment, rather stored them along with some of her other things. It was almost as if she’d known that the relationship would fail and she would end up dancing again.

She believed she’d done everything humanly possible to try to appease David and to make their pathetic relationship a success. But she still didn’t know why she’d believed he would ever stop hurting her just because he said he would stop. Every time he said it was a lie and she’d lied to herself about it, which was worse. Because now she was really traumatized when she could have left without having to go through this tragedy had she had the courage to face Motherhood on her own. She chastised herself harshly almost daily over it and had no idea how she would ever be able to forgive herself for letting it go as far as it had.

A few tears insisted on falling and she knew they were tears of frustration with both the failed relationship as well as herself for not getting out when she could have done it under her own power instead of being carted off to a damn hospital. It was unbelievably hard to face the ugliness that she’d allowed into her life, but she was facing it finally. It was too bad that it had almost killed her though and Ronda vowed to never ever let another man hit her or hurt her like David had. She knew she would leave or make him leave because there was no way an abuser would change without professional help.

She totally agreed with Linda on that assumption since David had only gotten worse as time passed, she figured he was not alone in his self indulgent manipulation, when the world was full of unhappy men and women who either abused each other or allowed themselves to be abused. She had never had anything even remotely close to this fiasco with David, with any other guy she’d dated. Somehow she would figure out what it was about herself that had made her take it. It had to be because she really thought she could love David for the rest of her life and had faith he wanted the same things, because she lied to herself.

She had plenty of confidence when they’d first gotten together and only after Jesse was on the way had her self image plummeted as her doubt grew with leaps and bounds. She had started to believe the ugly things he told her and when that happened she had really sunk deeply into depression. With her hormones going steadily out of whack, she had felt all messed up and afraid of what being a single Mother would be like, even though she had only had her mom for the greater part of her life. She hadn’t wanted that for her daughter.

She had wanted a Father and a nice comfortable life where there could be peace and family harmony. But the reality of life with his abusive act was anything but harmonious. She sighed, glad that she had left him behind forever. As she laid there in bed, she remembered the long nights when he’d been off driving loads of cargo all over, how she’d sat there thinking to herself about leaving him. If this hadn’t happened she knew she would have left him that night anyway. She’d been fed up for a long time and had planned on calling her mother to get her and Jesse out of there when he was off working the next time.

Ronda thought briefly about the attraction she’d felt for David and how it had culminated into full blown passion when they had gone to bed. The sex itself had been good in the beginning, but as his attitude had changed it had along with it. He expected his efforts would please her and she remembered how rudely he’d expected her to orally pleasure him on demand saying, "I just slammed you good the other day bitch. Get on those knees and bob the knob."

She recoiled just recalling how his voice had sounded when he’d spoken to her like this and each time she’d had no other alternative but to do it or suffer the consequences of an escalated argument where his accusations would fly at her as fast as a hornet could set his sights on stinging someone just for looking at it wrong. He would grab at her hair and force her further down then she was comfortable and laugh at her if she gagged. Thinking back upon those experiences made her sick to her stomach and she knew she would never again share herself with such a pig like David ever again.

Ronda moved her thoughts over to her future and remembered how much she’d always enjoyed making people laugh. The only career in that would be to become a comedian and she really had no desire to go that road. She wondered if maybe there might be something she could do in the medical field besides nursing which might appeal to her and she decided to investigate the possibility further tomorrow, over the phone by calling one of the many colleges that had two year courses where they would even help their graduated students locate good paying jobs.

After she saw what they did in therapy sessions and perhaps after learning more about the available options, she might find her niche. Dancing was something she wanted to do for at least a year longer or maybe two depending on the way her plans shaped up, but she knew she had to find a way to support Jesse and make her own dreams come true or she would never be happy. The way her mother had said she didn’t want to see her miss out on living because she’d danced her best years away had made her think about the truth to that outcome.

She could think of five women, right off the bat, that she’d seen dance at the clubs she’d worked in, who were over thirty and had several children without having the support of a husband. She didn’t want to end up like them, alone but for their kids and so desperate to make money to support themselves with that they didn’t care if they were the warm up dancers, instead of being the reason the men came to the club in the first place. She had felt bad for any woman like that who had not come to grips with their own failed stripping careers.

But she had always been one of the main acts and had never walked away from a stage with less then a few big bills under her g-string. The money had usually been really good, but Ronda knew she danced because she enjoyed the feeling it gave her to have a club full of men, all thinking about her sexually. She’d always had explicit fantasies as a young girl where she was the object of desire of many different guys. When she had gone all the way the first time, she had been a bit disappointed that fireworks hadn’t gone off for her, but then it had been rather an intense satisfaction to see how the young man’s reaction was so responsive to anything she did.

Soon after that first time she’d worked at perfecting the art of seduction so that she would have no problems keeping any of her boyfriends interested and ready for more. Ronda had always wanted to have a prince charming type ride up on a white stallion or drive up in a white sports car, to take her out for a night on the town without so much as a kiss on the cheek. She pictured this dream man as being the one man she would love forever above all others and when she’d met David, she’d fooled herself into settling for less then she knew she really would be happy with.

Chiding herself quietly, Ronda asked herself what it was about being alone that had scared her into staying with him. Or was it that she’d desperately wanted to believe he was that prince and would trade in his truck for a Porsche? She figured it was probably a little of both and wished vainly that she would have found it within herself to give up on him a year ago, without telling him of her pregnancy. But then she reminded herself that it hadn’t gotten bad until after he’d grown so utterly dependent on her to take care of him in the apartment.

Sighing again, Ronda vowed to never again become so despondent about herself again that letting a man reinforce that depressive attitude was preferable to packing up and moving on. She closed her eyes thinking again about her fantasy prince and wondered if there was really one out there looking for her, patiently waiting for the right woman to come along to fall in love with. She drifted off to a beach setting in her mind and saw her dashing prince make his entrance to the scene. She was sleeping peacefully, dreaming of a sunset in her perfect lovers arms, with waves roaring in her ears.

Things had been steadily improving for Ronda after she got involved in therapy and she soon felt certain it was what she wanted to go to school for. Not necessarily for physical therapy, but definitely something along those lines. It was nice to have something to work for and Ronda worked hard. She knew that it would be awhile before she was able to again claim her place onstage, but with enough determination her therapist told her that it would be quite possible she would be able to do the same things as she’d done before.

It was just hard being patient enough to wait each day out to its conclusion to the point where she was dreaming of her prince on their beach or at his lovely estate, complete with gardens and a courtyard to romp around through. It definitely lessened her anxiety, but still, a month after the fall, David was still out there free somewhere doing God knows what. She knew better then to think he wouldn’t try to come after her at some point, but Ronda didn’t think he would be able to do it right away.

He was no fool and was certainly aware that police would be looking for him to explain why he had pushed her. Ronda felt stronger each day and hoped that she could somehow keep her outlook positive over the next weeks. Her mother was eager to hear that she’d made a decision to go back to school, but Ronda hadn’t been receptive to the idea of starting school first before hitting the stage again. She knew her mother was just trying to steer her away from the atmosphere that she’d met David in, but she was set on heading back as soon as she could to prove to herself she still had what it took to bring the house down.

It was a feeling she recognized had to do with her need to be considered very desirable and as she put her hair up in a ponytail, she smiled at herself thinking of how nice it would be to have a full set of nails again. Just as soon as she was hired at the club she would set the appointment. David had been trying to persuade her to cut her hair off to her shoulders for quite awhile and now that she realized it was his insane jealousy that was behind the insistence she was glad she’d stood her ground about it. She’d always had long, glorious hair that made other women envious.

It wasn’t that she wanted to make them feel bad, but if they felt they needed to grow their own hair out then it was their problem if they weren’t patient enough to do it before ruining it with a bad perm or coloring it to death so that it would spilt instead of gleam with health like her own locks did. Jesse was in the living-room with Amber and Ronda felt like joining them. She was hungry and ready to attack a big bowl of cereal or maybe a nice bagel.

She wheeled out to through the hallway and heard her mother talking to Jesse. She entered the room smiling and said, "Well it’s another day of freedom. Can’t wait to go to therapy and see what Ellen has planned for me."

"Oh I bet you’re eager to get out of that chair honey," her mother said, "But you know it takes time. You shouldn’t push yourself so hard."

Ronda nodded and leaned over to kiss Jesse’s forehead, before following her mother to the kitchen.

"It’s really nice that you have such a good attitude dear. I am really proud of how well you’re doing. What do you feel like having for breakfast?" Her smile very encouraging and Ronda hoped she could steer clear of talking about school or any other touchy undecided topics.

"I could really go for a bowl of cereal actually and a nice glass of orange juice," she beamed back at her mother.

"Okay, no problem. One bowl of cereal coming up," and her mother went to the cabinet where they kept the bowls.

Ronda watched her and laughed with Amber, agreeing with her sister about how cute Jesse was when she woke up. It was bound to be a good morning. She decided to take a pain pill with her breakfast so that she would be up to a hard work-out by 10:30 which was when she was scheduled to start her therapy session. Her mother laid a big bowl of cereal in front of her and then she went back to the living-room to be close to Jesse. It made Ronda so happy that her mother took so much pleasure from being around Jesse.

She ate heartily and saw that the time was drawing near when she would have to get on the special van that would take her to therapy. It felt strange to leave her daughter here and go away for a couple of hours but Ronda knew she would get used to it and this was the easy part because Jesse wasn’t in a daycare or with a paid sitter yet. Ronda wasn’t looking forward to entrusting her precious daughter to anyone other then family, but Amber would be returning to school soon and her mother would be going back to work next week.

She had called several daycare facilities and had learned it was rather expensive as well as difficult to get one to accept her sweet four month old dumpling. She had been investigating two sitters, who each had exceptional references and was torn between the younger woman who lived in their neighborhood and an older woman who lived almost ten minutes away. She had figured hiring a sitter would be easier then trying to locate a willing daycare and had discussed it with her mother who had agreed with her.

She had to make a decision soon on which woman would get the job and planned to go with her mother, Amber and Jesse to visit the younger woman’s home to see if she was as nice in person as she’s seemed on the phone. They were going to go later today and Ronda was ready to go with the younger woman if she and Jesse liked her well enough. Once she had committed to a sitter she hoped she would get over her anxiety over leaving Jesse for hours at a time.

Ronda was glad she was able to get herself dressed without help other then having her mother or Amber lay out her clothes for her. It took a long time to pull pants on and today she had opted to go with a stretchy skirt and pull over blouse. It hurt to lean over and put on socks and shoes, but she’d rather do it on her own then ask for help. It had been terrible to be so dependent on others to care for her while she’d been in the hospital, but now she was so much stronger then those first days after the fall and surgery to set her legs.

She finished her cereal and left the table to go get a hug from Jesse before she had to run off. The van would be here anytime and Ronda hated to make them wait for her. Her mother was giggling with Amber about the way Jesse’s hair stuck straight up if you ran your fingers through it, making the little girl look even more adorable then she already looked when her hair was flat against her head. She didn’t have too much hair to deal with, which was great at bath time because they could just use a washcloth over it, instead of putting her through the torture of running a cup full of water over her sweet round head.

Ronda flinched at hearing the driver honk once on his horn and she smiled, saying, "My ride’s here so I have to run. Mommy will be back soon little girl. You be good for Grandma and Auntie Amber. Love you," and she thanked her mother for opening the door for her. Then she was rolling down the rented ramp that sat at the front door, grateful this was only a temporary inconvenience. She thought about all the people who needed to use wheelchairs to get around all the time and it made her heart feel heavy.

It wasn’t right that so many people had to suffer, but it was really great that there were good wheelchairs now that made it easier for them to get out and get things done for themselves. She smiled at the handsome, young driver who already had the lift down for her. He greeted her warmly and she thought she saw him eyeing her with interest. It felt good to be looked at like a woman again and she was glad she’d put on a little mascara to accent her big blue eyes.

There were two other people in the van in their own wheelchairs and she noticed a nice looking young man, who had a really neat chair. It looked like it was a racing chair with the way it had no handles to push him with from behind and he was wearing finger-less gloves. He smiled over at her and then pulled out a tape cassette player and put on some mini-headphones. She made a note to get one for herself, since it would be perfect to help distract her from the tedium of her work-outs. He was tapping his fingers shortly after popping in a beige tape, from some band he liked and Ronda looked out the window to her left.

The cars whizzed past them and she tried not to stare at the people inside the van. Besides the young man, there was an older woman who was probably a paraplegic since her feet were tied to the foot rests and her shoes were brand new looking. She couldn’t help but wonder what stories were behind these two people and felt a twinge of guilt tugging at her for her curiosity, even if she knew it was natural to be curious, it still felt like it was invading their right to privacy. The young man obviously had something wrong with his back because he had a uncomfortable looking plastic brace that went up his entire chest.

She noticed the woman had a wedding band on and wondered whether she had any children or was one of those women who had been divorced, yet still wore their ring. She looked down at her own hand and pictured it with a nice set of nails and blood red polish. It was almost as comforting as envisioning herself onstage twirling about seductively. She really missed dancing and wished again that she had never gone out with David at all.

When the van pulled up to the out patient therapy facility, she was surprised when the young man got off first. Somehow she hadn’t expected him to have the same destination, but it didn’t really matter too much. So she went in the building after her turn on the lift and looked at the clock, noting it was just now 10:30. She made her way to the therapy room and saw the young man was already working out with his therapist. She saw a man with a strange looking leg, obviously an artificial one, which she had never really seen before. He was walking along the shiny chrome parallel bars, while his therapist gave him feedback on how he could walk better.

Ellen appeared and came right over, "Hi Ronda. Ready for a good work-out this morning?"

"Oh yes Ellen. Been really thinking about what you said. I am so glad to hear that you think I’ll fully recover and I can’t wait to hit the dance floor again," and she couldn’t either.

Ellen smiled at her and led her over to the upper body machines where Ronda was building up her endurance and strength. She had really been shocked at how weak she’d become when she first tried to maneuver the bulky wheelchair by herself. It was no easy feat and because she could only rely on her upper body to move herself in and out of the monstrosity that was the fifty pound chrome nightmare, she had noticed a difference in her strength after just a few work-outs here with Ellen.

It was sad to see her lovely legs scarred from the surgery, but she knew the scars would fade with time and she hoped it wouldn’t look bad enough she would have to use body make-up to cover it up with. She had used that kind of make-up on herself before but she wasn’t certain about how well it would cover scars. Ronda wouldn’t hesitate to use it if she felt it would help her feel more confident and facing the reality of what happened to her was a constant source of emotional turbulence.

She was working up a good sweat and soon forgot all about her worries about the way her legs looked by immersing herself into helping herself with the work-out. It wasn’t long before she was back on another van on her way back home, again confronting the intimidating darkness of her insecurities. The ride back was slow and when she was leaving at the same time as the young man with the headphones, she enjoyed a bit of small talk with him as they waited for the van.

When she was dropped back off at her mother’s house, he’d already been left elsewhere. She figured she would probably never see him again, but knew that talking with him had made her feel less sad about her own problems. It was obvious to her that he had accepted his own disability and had found some semblance of confidence, because he’d handled himself very well. He hadn’t looked at her like she was some kind of a sex object either. His eyes had held genuine compassion for her own problems.

They hadn’t talked about much, in fact it had been rather like a little bit of ice breaking humor, with deep undertones of an unspoken communication of their mutual acceptance of each other. It was the first time she’d spoken with anyone other then the therapists or other employees and Ronda knew it wouldn’t be the last time. That brief interaction had lifted her spirits quite a bit. It had made him feel good too and she knew it from the way he smiled when he was leaving down the lift and casually lifted a gloved hand in a gesture of farewell.

As her mother opened the front door, Ronda thanked her for getting the door. Her mother told her Jesse was really enjoying the baby saucer they’d picked up for her. It was a neat variation of the old traditional walkers, with a bouncy seat that could swivel and also be locked in one position. As she rolled through the doorway she saw her beautiful child laughing and smiling. It made her heart melt with happiness and she went right over to her, touching her head lovingly with her hand.

"How was my little girl? You missed Mommy didn’t you?" her voice was exaggerated on account of the way she made an effort to make her daughter smile anytime she spoke.

They enjoyed a nice lunch and the rest of the day was as uneventful as the ones before it. Ronda laid in her bed thinking about her prince again. It was so comforting to be able to escape her problems in the solace of her fantasies, because the hardest part of recovering so far had proven to be patience. She was almost asleep when she heard a car drive by slowly. She told herself it was nothing and tried to rekindle the vision of the handsome sandy blond prince. She was almost asleep again a few minutes later when she heard something strange and her heart instantly flooded her system with adrenaline.

Beverly had seen the car drive past and fingered the key under her blouse. She took it out on a hunch and need to feel more secure. She knew she’d loaded her 9mm with black talon ammunition only yesterday after cleaning it and making certain everything was in proper condition. The salesman at the shop she’d bought both the gun and rounds at, had told her talons were the most reliable ammunition when it came to protecting yourself. She’d gladly taken his word, thanking him for his help with making her decisions regarding responsible gun ownership.

She went to her bedroom and took out the gun and unlocked its trigger. Her greatest fear was that David would try to take Jesse or hurt Ronda, Amber and even herself. She was fully prepared to shoot him if he invaded her home with murderous thoughts on his mind. She prayed it was just a feeling and that he wasn’t sneaking around outside the house right now, thinking of the best way to get inside. She’d already turned all of the lights off but the kitchen light over the sink which she usually left on in case someone needed something in the middle of the night.

She quickly grabbed her cordless phone, putting it in the pocket of her big green bathrobe. She heard something outside and knew in her heart buying the gun had been the smartest thing she could have done to protect her family from anyone meaning them harm. There was no sounds for a little while, but her alert was still high. That was when she saw to her extreme instant horror that the garage door knob was turning and she raised her weapon.

"I have a gun whoever you are. If you are smart you will turn your ass around and get the hell out of here NOW!!!" There was no time to call for help, it would never get here in time and when the door flew open revealing a face she recognized as David’s she steadied herself for what was about to happen. She knew he wasn’t going to think her capable of pulling the trigger, but he had no idea how much it had taken her to buy this pistol, let alone how she’d practiced firing it.

He yelled at the top of his lungs, "Ronda! You filthy whore! Got the cops after me! Where’s my God Damned kid you bitch?!?"

"GET OUT DAVID!!! Don’t make me shoot you!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, bracing herself for what was about to happen.

He looked insane and Beverly Hamilton aimed straight for his guts, letting loose two shots as he lunged for her hand. His eyes exploded in pain as he crumpled to the floor, blood and gore everywhere around him, it seemed he was either too shocked to scream or was unable to. He choked and managed to take a breath, his body twitching and convulsing involuntarily, like any dying creature in its last moments. Beverly backed up, taking the pistol, laying it on the kitchen counter a few feet away and with shaking hands pulled out the phone and dialed 911. She was crying when she explained she’d shot an intruder in the gut twice because he’d rushed her and she’d feared for her life.

The operator took down her address and it wasn’t long before there were sirens in the distance. She numbly explained how her daughter had an injunction against this man and that he was dying on their kitchen floor. He was shaking and trying to hold himself where the huge gaping holes exposed his obliterated organs, his eyes looked hazy as if his vision were going dim.

She didn’t know how long it was going to take for him to either die right there in front of her or if the quick action of the paramedics would take the ugliness of his death away from her revolted sight. She didn’t hear Amber gasp behind her as she was talking to the 911 operator and she focused on David, deaf to her youngest daughters tears and sobs. As she watched him fading away, Beverly Hamilton felt no pleasure over having to use deadly force to contain David’s insanity from causing her family any more pain. She felt sorry for him that he hadn’t been able to seek out the help he needed to be a productive part of society and a son-in-law she could have loved and been proud of.

She was certain Ronda had to have heard the commotion and as David’s head flopped backwards a final time, his mouth no longer trying to form words, his chest no longer rose with life, she knew although it had been the hardest thing she had ever done in her life, it would now be possible for her to sleep better at night and maybe quit wearing the key around her neck. She sighed and told the operator the police were here now because she’d heard them knocking at the front door asking for entry, knowing it would be one of the longest nights of her life.

The sound had been deafening, waking up Jesse and left Ronda scared stiff. She had no idea if it really was David that had screamed her name and insulted her before the explosions she feared killed her sister or their mother. She mentally threw up a wall so that if he came to shoot her that she would be able to face God with a brave heart. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she recited the Lord’s Prayer softly. She felt her heart racing in her chest as she waited for the man of her nightmares to come steal her life from her, but he didn’t come.

There were sirens shortly after the shots and she wondered why he hadn’t appeared brandishing an instrument of death. She heard knocking outside on the front door and she figured it had to be police. Jesse had quieted down and she felt like jumping up from bed and swore softly that she could not. She heard her mother’s voice crying and saying, "He left me no choice. I had to shoot him." Ronda knew her former boyfriend was the one who’d taken the two shots and she relaxed somewhat. She asked Amber what had happened when she came into the room.

"Mom shot David because he broke into the house trying to get at us. You probably ought to put on something and come speak with the police. Let me get something," and Amber grabbed a tee shirt and some shorts. She handed them to Ronda and then waited while she put the shorts on first and then threw on the shirt. Amber stood beside her while she transferred to the chair and then she helped her out to the living room, Jesse had cried herself back to sleep, so they took the monitor with them.

A uniformed policeman sat with her mother on the couch and Ronda saw that her mother was visibly unharmed, which made her feel a flood of relief. She wanted to know where David was and what had happened, but she just sat there waiting to be called upon to speak. Slowly the facts revealed themselves through her mother’s account of what had transpired in the moments leading up to the break in. Ronda had kept her surprise hidden, over the news her mother had bought a pistol a few weeks ago and sat in shock from the sudden turn of events.

She had been scared of facing him in court, but to think he was lying dead a few feet away in their kitchen made her numb. She had trouble picturing him dead. It had to be a hideous sight and she was silently grateful her mother had thought to arm herself or else it easily could have been another outcome with him hurting or killing all three women and God forbid their daughter. She shuddered with relief, wishing she could curl up into a fetal position to shut out the world around her.

She wanted to throw up. It was like she was sitting in a dream while she watched the officer write down some answers to his questions. Ronda wondered if they would try to arrest her mother and she hoped they would just leave them alone and take David’s cooling corpse with them. It was over now. He was gone and would never be able to hurt her or Jesse ever again. The finality of the sudden unexpected closure was frightening to her and a reminder of how close she herself had come to leaving this world behind her.

When her father had left, it was like he had died in a way, because he had never sought them out after rebuilding a life elsewhere. It had always hurt, but she’d known there was always the of chance he would decide to make an appearance. She had often fantasized as a young girl about what it would be like to reject him if he did show up someday. She knew however that this was far more real then anything before it. David was dead and her mother had shot him to keep his insanity out of their lives.

If her mother had told her about the gun she wasn’t sure about how she would have reacted. She disliked guns of any kind and never even held one. She wondered what her mother’s gun looked like and what it felt like to hold it in her hand. Suddenly she was thinking differently about the subject now that one had prevented tragedy from befalling the Hamilton home. Minutes clicked by into an hour and then finally two. Ronda was not happy about what had happened, but knowing her loved ones were safe made all the difference.

When the police left it was late and Ronda had been surprised when they arrested her mother but immediately released her on her own recognizance, telling her they had to so that when she appeared for the hearing she could be found not guilty. Ronda was hurting pretty badly. She needed one of her pills and took it with a nice glass of milk. Her mother sat at the kitchen table, looking pale and exhausted, with her head in her hands.

Ronda couldn’t imagine what this had done to her mother, but whatever emotional scars she now had to live with would be better then living with the knowledge that there had been only one way to protect her family and she hadn’t taken it. Amber sat with them, but no one spoke. Just the clock ticking incessantly, broke the uncomfortable silence, vigilantly keeping track of the passing time. Her mother had coffee and Ronda bet she wouldn’t be able to sleep at all.

She however, was starting to feel the effects of the pill and yawned, "I love you Mother. I had no idea he would try something so stupid, but you saved us all from living through another nightmare. Thank-you. I’m so sorry that you had to use it Mom, but I’m really glad you had it. For the longest time until I heard your voice I thought he’d killed you both," and her cheeks were wet again with fresh tears.

Her mother raised her head while Ronda had spoken and her face was a mess of heavy lines from frowning, streaked with long dried up tears. Her expression revealed nothing about her inner feelings, but Ronda hadn’t even expected her to talk or respond to her statement of thanks. She nodded and came over to hug Ronda tightly. Her sister offered to push her back to her room and Ronda took her up on the offer. It was awful to look at the area by the garage door, where she knew David had lost his life, but at least they had taken photographs of the mess before having someone go over it with a mop or something, it didn’t matter as long as they didn’t have to see his blood on the floor.

Ronda hadn’t cared how the blood had been cleaned up but she was just glad she didn’t have to look at it or that she hadn’t seen his dead body. She still couldn’t believe it had happened. After getting back into bed, she wondered what repercussions would come of this night and what effect taking another person’s life would have on her mother. She tossed and turned and no matter how hard she tried she found no comfort in the image of the fair prince. For Ronda Hamilton things were suddenly made easier and more confusing at the same time because of the unprecedented death of her out of control abuser.

Beverly Hamilton got up from the table and looked again to the area of the floor where David had breathed his last breath. She’d seen how shocked he was by her quick decision to make good on her threat of retaliation and now, hours after pulling the trigger twice, she hated to admit that somewhere deep inside her she had taken pleasure out of seeing the bastard’s expression go from murderous, surprise, denial of the damage to his body and finally the way he’d accepted his fate with his eyes losing their clarity as his head flopped backwards. Almost as if his only way for redemption was for him to be stopped was dead in his tracks.

She felt sick to her stomach and yet felt like she could run around the block due to the coffee. She went to the bathroom and washed her face, still incredulous that she hadn’t been carted off to jail and yet had been arrested. A look in the mirror told her how something in her had changed. There was a new awareness of her own power and she felt a renewed sense of respect for life. If this had happened without her previously arming herself, she would have spent her last moments on the same floor David had. She had no illusions that the maniac was thinking he could take her despite the gun in her hand.

Tonight he’d learned that would be his final error in judgment regarding a Hamilton woman. She shivered again, glad she’d listened to her gut instinct to go unlock the gun and have it out. Beverly knew that someday she might have to use it again, but most likely a prowler or burglar would run off hearing that someone was up and had a loaded gun ready to defend their home from invasion. She wondered if David had thought she was bluffing and if that was why he’d flung the door open like he had.

She had expected him to run and then she would’ve called for the police to come catch the son of a bitch, but when he started yelling and dove at her, her finger pulled the trigger quickly two separate times. She’d explained to the detective that she’d feared one wouldn’t have been enough and he’d nodded. Having the injunction made everything so much easier. If only it hadn’t come to this though. Beverly might not sleep as well as she figured she would in the days ahead, but at least she wouldn’t have had to fire those two shots into his guts and witness the horrific damage the two rounds did to him as they found their mark.

She shivered again glad he hadn’t been armed, but then she’d counted on his overconfident cowardice not to arm himself or she might have died tonight. As she left the bathroom, heading for her bedroom, Beverly thought about little Jesse and how upset she’d sounded when she was crying after the noise woke her up. She imagined Ronda had been absolutely terrified and she felt guilty for not telling her about the gun before this.

But hearing her granddaughter’s screams had been like the singing of angels to her because it meant she was alive to cry. She grimly looked into her eyes and relaxed, knowing the scenario she’d imagined would never be because she’d taken lengthy precautions. No longer would she fantasize of David and dying hearing the sounds of her children dying along with her. That was why she chose to buy the weapon in the first place and to take the time to be familiar with it so that when she ever needed to fire it, she’d know what to expect from it.

Although nothing could have prepared her for the intensity of seeing first hand the extent of the damage at almost point blank range. But how could she have known he would try something as asinine as coming over here like this? It had been impossible to leave David’s side in his last moments because she was afraid somehow, as irrational as it sounded, that he might get up and it wasn’t until he’d stopped breathing that she’d realized the time had come and he would never get up again. She had been torn between the desire to run to comfort her daughters and granddaughter and the overwhelming need to see the bastard take his last breath.

As she sat down on her bed she knew one thing for sure, she would never have to worry about the rotten David Johnson again and she smiled. Her daughters and granddaughter were all safe, thanks to her courageous foresight. She laid on her side and felt the blood coursing through her veins while she prayed to God to forgive her for having to act as his executioner. She saw his crazed eyes again when she closed her own and again she pulled the trigger twice in her mind’s eye. She relived the horror of it all many times before a fitful sleep overwhelmed her an hour later and when sleep reclaimed her, she continued to dream about it.

The morning after David’s death was rough on everyone. Even though Jesse had apparently forgotten the trauma of the night before, no one else in the household was as lucky. Even her sweet smile couldn’t remove the stain of his ugly death from the thoughts of the Hamilton women this morning. Ronda wondered if her mother had slept at all and yawned recalling the nightmares she’d woken up from several times where David was trying to kill everyone. She’d awoke with her heart racing and had trouble trying to go back to sleep each time.

She was so glad she didn’t have to go anywhere today and that she could spend the day with her mother. Amber had plans to go get registered for next semester and had already left after a quick breakfast. She’d asked if anyone wanted anything from the library, because she was also going to stop by there to pick up a book she’d reserved, but it was just a courtesy to make small talk, since no one else in the house was even considering picking up a book. Ronda was still uncomfortably numb and tried to seem like everything was normal for Jesse’s sake, but the heavy weight on her mother’s shoulders was contagious.

She felt it was ultimately her fault for not taking action herself after he’d hit her the first time and this feeling was magnified each time she gazed at her silent mother. She felt like crying, only her emotions still seemed to be turned off. Her mother hadn’t really said too much this morning and Ronda couldn’t blame her. She looked like she had gotten about as much rest as if she’d run a three day marathon. She wished there was something she could say, but knew there was nothing that could change the fact that her mother had taken a life and would now have to live with it for the rest of her days.

Jesse was in her saucer having a blast in the living room with Ronda in the recliner while her mother sat unblinking, on the sofa, in front of the television. They sat like that, in stone cold silence save the mindless chatter the television provided, until Jesse was ready for another bottle. Her mother got up and brought one out and asked Ronda if she’d mind if she gave it to her. Ronda smiled, "Be my guest Mom. She doesn’t mind at all as long as the milk keeps coming."

Her mother laughed, but she knew it was not a sincere laugh. Her eyes were colder somehow and it was hard to face her directly, eye to eye. Ronda recalled the way her mother had spoken with the newly hired sitter, Gloria Williams, who had seemed to really look forward to taking care of Jesse. Her mother had talked with her a little bit about Jesse and how nice it was that there were baby saucers now. Gloria had agreed with her that they were safer then walkers and together they sung the praises of progress.

She watched her mother with her daughter and felt sad. It wasn’t right that David had come here like he had, fully intending to cause trouble. She was relieved that Jesse didn’t have to grow up with her father looming around in the shadows, an object of fear and pain. She had wanted to believe he wanted to change, but the only thing he’d wanted to change was his empty beer in for a full one. Ronda felt like laying down, so she reclined the chair and feigned interest in the silly talk show that was on.

Her mind was busily thinking about other things besides the problems of the people on the television. She closed her eyes a moment and thought about the first time she’d met David. She knew it was useless to torture herself this way, but she was unable to resist allowing herself some time to contemplate the effect his death would have on her and her daughter’s lives. It had all seemed so wonderful in the beginning, after she’d noticed him eyeing her from one of the tables in the club. Once she’d agreed to go out with him, David had been a perfect gentleman, opening doors for her and pulling out her chair for her when they went out to eat.

His sparkling green eyes were devouring her all over again in the realm of her memories. His charming manner back then had haunted her throughout the rough times, giving her hope that he was human underneath the animal he hid behind. What would always taint her memories of him, was the hatred and pleasure in his eyes over seeing her fear of death as he’d shoved her that night. Still, she couldn’t picture him no longer being a part of her life, after preparing herself over the last month to handle the battle that would’ve ensued in court.

Even if he had gone to jail he still would have been a part of their lives, however remotely and she felt strange knowing that he would never see their daughter grow up. Ronda felt a flood of emotion welling up inside her and she tried to control it. She wished she could just let it all out, but knew better then to even let on that she was this distraught over his death. Confusion filled her heart. On one hand she felt relief at not having to face him, but beneath that there was so much anxiety and grief just waiting for her to deal with.

Jesse was finished with her bottle and her mother put her on the floor to exercise a little bit. She had just recently started holding her head up and pushing herself up on her arms. It was amazing to watch as the little girl worked on perfecting each new skill and it was obvious from her mother’s grin that she too appreciated how well little Jesse was progressing. Ronda tried to imagine her daughter sitting up in a high chair and eating cereal, which the pediatrician had told her she could begin at about six months.

Ronda was able to push aside thoughts of her inner conflicts because of the way her daughter cheered her up with her irresistible charm. She was cooing and trying to roll over. Her mother was sitting on the floor near her, still wearing a grin, watching Jesse try to master the fine art of rolling over. Ronda couldn’t stop herself from smiling and shifted in the chair back to a sitting position. Soon Jesse would be ready to take a nice nap and Ronda thought about trying to lay down with her for a nice nap herself.

Her mother laughed as Jesse made a good roll and was lying on her back wiggling her hands and kicking her feet with excitement. Ronda was so glad that she was alive and sitting her with them both. Remembering how petrified she’d felt last nig